For a few weeks now, seems like maybe it’s been months or years, we have been under a lot of clouds. Some are large and puffy; some are steel gray and ominous. You may think it’s clearing up for a while but if you see the sun and go outside, clouds start to close in and there you are caught in a rain shower. April showers do bring May flowers, but it’s May already! The spring slowly creeps along, more buds opening to the light, the grass greener, but it seems like we are waiting in pregnant expectation for the real spring to begin, covered in heavy clouds.
This spring almost feels like I am engulfed in a cloud, unable to get things done, to move in a direction I want to move in. Some images of clouds are positive in Christian tradition. Jesus ascends to heaven in a cloud. In Revelation, Jesus returns to earth in a cloud. The Hebrew scriptures have a cloud leading the people of Israel out of slavery. Here clouds are full of mystery, hope and good intentions, a connection between heaven and earth. Yet they feel oppressive to me, keeping me trapped under their weight and darkness.
Of course, all our spiritual wisdom teachers remind us to stay in the moment, to let the clouds be clouds, to lament, to grieve, to be miserable. They tell us to just be and don’t judge it! They constantly remind us of that because they want us to find joy in the now. In fact, Matthew Fox has been writing about joy this week, which is interesting because he usually harangues us about social justice issues (which is extremely important, of course). Julian of Norwich lived through very difficult times including plagues and wars but she talked about joy a lot. Fox says that “Julian was the first woman to write a book in the English language and she actually invented the word enjoy. That was how important her finding joy in the mist of peril and suffering was to her. She adapted it from an old French word, enjoier, meaning rejoicing.”
Joy is not happiness or giddiness. It’s a decision to see the positive, to be grateful, to dance and sing despite what is happening around us. There are sunny days, there are cloudy days, there are days when we have hope, and days where there is despair. Where do you find joy in the midst of clouds?